How to Get Children to Listen without Raising your Voice

Okay, you have managed to turn into your mom or dad after all. You have just raised your voice very loudly in an effort to make your child listen to you. Now you feel guilty and unsure about whether or not you handled the situation in the right way.

Don't worry, it happens to everyone. When we feel that we need to make a point and that our children are not paying attention our voices generally get louder. Many of us learned this behaviour from our parents and it's only natural to resort to this tactic when we are frustrated or upset.

The problem with this method is that usually it creates more frustration than it solves. We get louder and angrier, and the children get more sullen and stubborn. They may pay attention for the moment but are they really getting the message?

We have all seen this type of parent and child interaction in stores, schools and homes. And when we witness it we generally shake our heads and say that we will never deal with our own children in this manner? Want to make a bet on that? When child behaviour gets out of hand getting loud is often a parent's first weapon to use in this war of wills.

Let's look at what we really need to do as the adult parent in this type of situation. When you want a child to listen you have to get their attention, and yelling may get you noticed, but not in a good way. Loud, angry voices can embarrass both you and your child and this will only intensify the frustration on both sides.

Let’s look at the mistakes parents make first:

* A parent may scream and yell but has no consequences prepared for the children. Kids quickly figure out that you are hot air and no discipline. They will end up ignoring you.  Many parents just give up on trying teaching their children to listen if yelling does not work. A child will quickly learn to tune out being yelled at when they realize they really do not have to pay attention to their parents at the end of all the excitement. Children can withstand years of yelling and never once alter their misbehaviour, after all its only words.

* When children misbehave lots of parents lose their temper and begin to yell and scream. An out of control parent cannot teach a child how to listen. All you are doing is teaching your children anger and letting them know that you don't know how to handle them as a responsible, rational adult.

* Never threaten a punishment that you do not follow up promptly. Many parents use idle threats as a way to motivate their children to listen. All this does is teach children that you do not mean what you are saying (or yelling). For instance if you tell them they will not go with you to the restaurant if they do not hurry and dress, how many times will you really follow this through?

* Never give your authority as a parent away to others. Many parents will tell children that the policeman is going to come and get them for misbehaving; or that a store owner will come and yell at them for making too much noise. Children can see through this ruse, and you lose valuable points in the parenting department.

Here is how you should best handle situations without yelling if you really want to get your children to listen.

* Do not yell and scream, and then give up and give in to misbehaving children. Take proper disciplinary steps if they do not listen to your calm and quiet warnings. If you say "no playing outside today" then you must follow through on this discipline. There is no need to yell this warning to them, simply state what the consequence for not listening will be and follow up on it.

* Do not intervene in a child's behaviour when you have already lost your temper. Step in before this happens or wait until you have calmed down. This allows you to respond quietly, calmly and very effectively.

* Think carefully about any punishment or discipline before you say it out loud. It should fit the misbehaviour, and should be something that you will follow through on if you have to.

* Find out which disciplines you can use effectively in public so you do not resort to using other people as a threat. For instance if a child is misbehaving in a store let them know that you will take them home immediately and follow through with this.

When children are faced with rational, calm and consistent parenting tactics they will learn to listen quickly. This means that yelling at your child can be a thing of the past, and you will soon have the best behaved kids in town.

This is an original news article © The Kids Window

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